A date with the devil

For the past 14 months, I have been in chronic pain. Stiffness, limping and a notable loss of mobility. Humira was recommended, but I was afraid. The possible side effects are nothing to sneeze at and frankly, I don’t typically feel “lucky”. After months of medical tests, physical therapy, chiropractic care, massages, adopting a gluten free diet, taking a weekly yoga class, ingesting a slew of supplements and taking all the pain meds I could possibly manage to scramble, just to function, I’d reached my tipping point. It was time to try.

This past Monday, I got my first Humira injection. It’s only Wednesday evening, so I will admit, it’s early, but I have to tell you, I am thrilled with the results! I feel like I made a date with the devil because I feel better than I could have imagined. For the past 2 days, I have had full range of motion. I am not in pain. I do not dread each and every movement. Things don’t take as long. I can get on the floor with my daughter and play with her. I am walking up stairs, not crawling on all fours. I am the fool smiling as I rush across a crosswalk because I am so damn excited that I can rush! I am sleeping at night (minus the election of course!) and not waking up in a start every few hours feeling like I can’t breathe. I feel manic with excitement. I am so grateful!

Having had so much pain for so long, I can barely keep still. I want to walk, work-out, dance, sing. I want to ride this thing ’til the wheels fall off. I feel like I have a chance to get back to my life and truth be told, I can’t wait to take it by the balls. I’ve been given not only the gift of relief, but I have also been gifted the experience of knowing what the other side is like. How difficult it is to get around. How little support is out there. How few people really understand. How chronic pain can make you crazy, miserable, determined, self-conscious and exhausted. How easy it is to judge and feel judged.

I am so excited to embrace change.
I am so grateful for this opportunity.
It will not be squandered.

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