I am queer.

I have a checkered past and one that I am awful proud of.

I’ve been civil unioned to a woman. I’ve run several advocacy programs for LGBT students. I have lectured/taught/presented on LGBT issues for years, My former spouse is transgender and a dear friend. My current spouse is male (a bio boy). When I thought I was straight, all my boyfriends were gay (not out yet). When I thought I was a lesbian, I felt confident that I would never be with men. Then I fell in love with one and that realization rocked my world.

I am attracted to people. Their intellect, charisma, their looks, personalities, sense of humor. I care about how they make their way in the world, how they treat people, how I feel when I am with them. I have never once been attracted to someone just because of their gender, sex or their genitals. I’ve always been monogamous. When I am in love with someone, the rest of the world falls away.

Being queer, as I prefer to identify, is a part of who I am. An important part, not everything, but it is an element of my core. I experience the world as a person who has loved and built loving relationships with men, women and transgender folks, I don’t feel straight and I don’t experience the world as a straight person. The person I am with does not define who I am, nor does it define my sexual orientation.

I am out. I have been out since I was 18. I’ve never dated anyone without being open with them about my identity as a bisexual person, early on. I don’t have the time, energy or inclination to be closeted. Admittedly, I have a really hard time with the invisibility of being in a marriage to a man. To add insult to injury, I look like the perfect caricature of a soccer mom. I’m a short, chubby, blonde, femme with a young daughter. If I set off your gadar, it’s a dull chime.

Just a little food for thought. Just because someone is in a committed relationship with a person of the opposite gender does not mean that they are straight.

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