I am hungry for more

I’m on a quest for a better life.

For years I have referred to my body as a traitor. The enemy… What I realize now is that I have been a traitor to my body. It sounds so simple, but it’s true. I’ve been water-boarding my body’s reputation only to be angry when I realize I am wet.

For those who don’t know me, I was born overweight and I’ve never known anything else. I have struggled to be well and to lose weight my whole life. I cannot remember a time when my weight has not been a central concern in my life. I’ve achieved so much in my little life, but I have yet to conquer the hold the shame has had on me. It is that shame that I most desire to shed.

In 9 days, I will be 39. My wish for the year ahead is to reclaim my connection to my body. To feed it nutritiously, to move it with gusto and to just love the hell out of it. I’d love to celebrate a new and improved version of myself at 40. I want to stop having “the last supper”. I plan to accept what I am sure will be a difficult journey ahead. What I know for sure is that it is time to embrace the second half of my life in a way that I was too ignorant to do to in the first half.

I have this girl in my life who has captured my heart. The real shame would be to allow anything to keep me from witnessing any part of her growth or my own. It’s time to stop settling and start living.394975_493534067345667_487989487_n

I’m not going on a diet. I am going to change my life.

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